Tips for Fathers Facing Divorce

(1) No Buying Affection – Avoid lavishing your children with gifts to win affection or to make up for time not spent together. It is not a game of which parent is best, children need both parents.

(2) Parenting Schedule – Do not divorce your children as well. No matter how little custody or how much you get, your children do not stop being your own. Your presence in their lives should be felt. Make sure you have a steady and consistent schedule that will give your children stability and make them feel wanted and loved.

(3) Shield your Children – Be careful about talking with your children about adult-level topics relating to your divorce. Younger children, especially, should not be privy to these matters. Do not talk about legal strategy with them or use your time to bad mouth the other parent! You must allow children to remain being children. Limit your discussion with them to their lives and not inquiring about what mom is doing or who she is dating. This will reduce tensions and children will not feel like they are spies or messengers.

(4) Be Smart and Discreet – Talking too much, especially to your wife, is not a good idea. Your communication with your wife should be kept to a minimum. After all your case could become extremely contested. You should also avoid talking to other people, family and friends, and most of all the in-laws. Some things you say may be used against you if your case goes to trial.

(5) Be Positive – With the right pointers, your life will turn out better than before. Try to treat your divorce as a business transaction, of course this is easier said than done. But it is important to remember that although this time during your divorce case is probably going to be the most stressful period in your life, you must have hope that things will get better and focus on the good parts of your life like your children.

(6) Take Action – When dealing with strong emotions, it is important for one to admit that it is okay to feel hurt. Unlike women who will talk it out with their friends, men seem to have a harder time handling intense, personal turmoil. Often for men, their wives are their best friends, so they don’t really have anyone else to talk to about the emotional challenges they are facing. Therefore, it is important to find your own mechanism. When a surge of strong feelings emerge, take action and find what cools you down – going to work out, going for a walk, or hanging out with some friends. If the emotions get too much to handle, try counseling.

(7) Avoid Pettiness and Vengeance – Don’t fight over petty possessions that can easily be replaced. Don’t go on a hunt for vengeance or revenge because that will get you nowhere. If you do go after these things, there will be more litigation costs and your divorce case will most likely be prolonged.

(8) Find a Good Divorce Attorney – You want to find an attorney with whom you feel comfortable and one who you trust to act in the most competent and professional manner and in your best interests.

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